How can you use NLP to improve your communication with introverts?
NLP techniques for introverts
NLP itself doesn’t differentiate how to apply each tool or technique differently with introverts rather than extraverts. The difference is actually huge – and few NLP trainers realize this, which is why they do not teach it inside their NLP classes. As an NLP trainer, I was fortunate enough to be introduced to both personality type training using the MBTI as well as NLP nearly at the same time in 1997. This gave me the advantage of being able to integrate them from the get go. Both NLP and the MBTI personality assessment are about preferences, rather than putting people into boxes.
Visual, auditory and kinesthetic system
In NLP, we determine if someone has a preference for gathering information using the visual, auditory or kinesthetic system. Or if someone is motivated by what they do want rather than what they don’t want (motivation source filters taught inside the NLP Master Practitioner – NLP Meta programs.) This doesn’t mean that a visual person can not hear or feel, or that an away motivated person can’t be motivated by what they do want. There is just a preference – a strength that is more developed. A preference tends to come out under stress.
The same is true for the MBTI:
1. It is also about preferences.
2. It scores an individual on how strongly they display this preference inside their personality.
If someone is introverted, it doesn’t mean that they can not extrovert.
What are the characteristics of an introvert?
In order to improve your communication with introverts, we must first understand what their characteristics are.
– Think first, then speak.
– Gain energy from being alone.
– Lose energy from being with others.
– Tend to be low disclosure about personal information.
– Like to go deeper in conversation, rather than hop from one topic to the other.
NLP tips to improve your communication with introverts
Tip 1: Build rapport
Build rapport first before you start asking deeply personal questions. Inside An NLP training we actually teach you how to build rapport & how to get someone to trust you.
Tip 2: Pay attention to facial expression
Pay attention to someone’s facial expressions, as they can offer a clue as to what someone is thinking, feeling or believing. Spot signs of congruence, or agreement or resourcefulness. And conversely – signs of incongruence, or disagreement or unresourcefulness.
Tip 3: The second perceptual position
Associate into the introvert. In NLP we call this the second perceptual position. This means you float your awareness inside the shoes of another person and imagine what they see, hear and feel.
Tip 4: Match & mirror
Copy their behaviors in order to help build rapport
Their body language
Tip 5: Meta Model
The meta model is a line of questioning that allows you to dig deeper into someone’s world, to reveal what isn’t revealed.
Use questions like:
What would happen if you did/didn’t?
What is stopping you?
Tip 6: Elicit an emotional state
Intentionally put the introvert into an emotional state where they can feel free to reflect and think before they speak.
Tip 7: Changing your emotional state
Be very aware of your own emotional state. Extroverts can feel overwhelming at times if they do not keep in mind what emotion someone else is feeling. The extrovert avalanche of words.
Tip 8: Slow down the visuals
Visual people tend to speak very fast, this is because they need to keep up with their internal movies. Again – for an introvert, this can quickly feel like an extrovert avalanche.
For those of you who have not taken an NLP training, kinesthetic people tend to speak slower, and auditory people tend to be aware of the sound quality and speed.
Tip 9: Fix silence phobia
Be aware that you may be afraid of silences, and so you may tend to fill the silence with words to make it more comfortable for yourself. Learn how to control your fear or anxiety. There are plenty of articles on this blog about fear and anxiety.
Tip 10: X is not Y – complex equivalence
Silence is not equal to consent.
If you are interested in taking an NLP training combined with positive psychology, emotional intelligence and personality typing please contact our back office. Introverts and extroverts are both welcome inside our NLP training.
What are tips you would give to improve your communication with introverts? With or without using NLP.