What is reality testing?
Reality testing helps you tell the story you’re in from the facts on the ground. In this guide, you’ll learn a simple NLP technique: step out to observe, step into others’ shoes, then return to feel and process—so emotions, choices, and actions fit what’s real.
When emotions spike or disappear, our perception can drift from reality. This post shows a simple way to check your read on a situation using NLP’s perceptual positions. You’ll learn when to step out, step in, and come back to center. The promise: calmer choices that match the moment.
Chapters Recap
00:00 Reality testing
02:49 Reality testing coaching clients
04:17 NLP Technique to uncover the truth
Transcript
00:04
Here’s the proofread transcript: — So, have you ever thought about the concept of reality testing? I think a lot of people who are into personal development, coaching, self-coaching, and helping others forget about the importance of reality testing. Reality testing is one of the markers or elements of emotional intelligence.
00:42
It’s also important when you’re listening to somebody else’s story, and they are having an emotional reaction. Let’s say it’s really amped up, like super negative, and they’re crying. You might readily assume that this person is accurately reality testing, whereas they might actually be blowing things completely out of proportion. They might have a high level of stress in a very normal situation, or they may even interpret the situation wrong because they think they know what somebody else is thinking, feeling, or believing—what we call mind reading in NLP.
01:28
There’s also a situation where someone doesn’t respond emotionally at all, like they’re completely disconnected, even when things are falling apart and big things are going on. You can argue, “Well, isn’t it nice to be cool, calm, and collected when things are hitting the fan?” Yes, that’s true, but when we’re having a human experience, at some point, we need to let those emotions out and process them.
02:07
Reality testing can be influenced by not seeing the gravity of what’s going on or the reality of where you’re at. Sometimes, knowing where you’re at or where the client is allows you to propel into action to solve that pain. If you’re overreacting to a situation, you may act or communicate in ways that are not useful, and if you start ruminating and spinning it in your mind, making it worse, you can get stuck in that.
02:51
As a coach or helper, you need to ask, “What’s the reality testing here? Is the person I’m trying to coach or help accurately reality testing?” It’s also important for you to question your own reality testing. What are you doing about it? Instead of just explaining these concepts, you need to keep them in the back of your mind if you want to help or coach others.
03:29
In NLP, one of the things I teach, alongside positive psychology, emotional intelligence, and personality profiling, is reality testing. If you’re interested in learning more about where and what I teach, visit my website at globalnlptraining.com/simply. I train in amazing locations such as Bali, Venice Beach, Mexico, Amsterdam, and sometimes in Miami, with both in-person seminars and online courses.
04:04
Later this summer, I will be releasing products about stress, sleep, anxiety, and worry. So, what can you do? When you’re experiencing an emotion, you are in what we call in NLP the first perceptual position, looking through your own eyes. To taper that emotion down and reality test it, you can float your mind out of your body and look at yourself, dropping the emotion and becoming an observer of yourself—this is called dissociation.
05:04
If someone else is involved, you can float your mind into their shoes, seeing what they see, hearing what they hear, and feeling what they feel. You can also step into a group position to assess the group’s perspective. If you’re too cool, calm, and collected even though things are falling apart, you might want to become the observer.
05:47
But when it’s time to grieve, mourn, or process, you should float your mind into your own shoes, look through your own eyes, and experience the emotion rather than bottling it up. That’s a little bit about reality testing and what you can do. If you’re a coach, you can guide someone through these different positions. If you’re doing this for yourself, you can visualize it this way. That’s a tip on reality testing.
FAQ: NLP TECHNIQUE FOR REALTITY CHECKS AND REALITY TESTING
It’s a simple check that compares your interpretation to observable facts, often by shifting perspective—observer, other person, then back to self—so your reaction fits the moment.
Two to five minutes. No tools required—just a quiet spot. A notebook can help you name facts versus interpretations.
o. It helps you respond proportionally and process feelings at the right time, rather than suppressing or spiraling.
Yes. Learn the three perceptual positions and practice guiding short, calm check-ins before bigger techniques.
ry the routine today on a low-stakes situation, then debrief what changed. If you want structured practice, join a course or book a short call
