Is there an NLP technique for shyness?
The word “shy” has a number of meanings — none of which are overly flattering by typical societal standards. To “shy away from something” implies avoidance, to “come up shy” suggests something is insufficient, not enough, etc.
Shyness
Overall, to be a shy person in an extrovert-worshiping world can, at the very least, be seen as being inadequate or imperfect. At least 40% of us identify as being shy. It is hardly a unique “condition”. The stress of social anxiety is compounded by shame and embarrassment. Shy people are often made to feel incompetent or less than in social situations.
Does being shy come with benefits?
Hold on though!! The news is not all bad! Science has proven that being shy comes with a range of positive attributes as well. Shy people are proven to be more sensitive and demonstrate greater levels of honesty. Additionally, they tend to be reliable, conscientious, good listers and have a high level of empathy. Shy people are more inclined to be found in “helping” professions.
Shyness in social contexts
I sometimes feel shy the first minutes walking into an NLP training, no one would know it. It is very similar to mild social anxiety. I am an introvert, and it takes me 30 minutes of teaching on the first day to not feel like I am being weird and rambling. I gained a lot of weight over the pandemic and so I worry about if people are secretly judging me. I use NLP to step out of it, and not long after, I hit flow and the feeling goes away.
The NLP Technique below is a simple one that any person can use on the spot with a mild form of shyness – much like I described having myself.
What do you do with more chronic shyness?
1. We have trained many NLP coaches around the world, who can help you with this. Just contact the office.
2. Take an NLP training yourself. We recommend the full immersion training as it also covers significant emotional events in your past and deeper work relating to anxiety and shame.
NLP technique to overcome shyness on the spot
1. Ask yourself the question: “What is the positive intent that this shyness has? What is (unconsciously) something you get out of being shy at this moment?” You have to be getting something out of it, or you wouldn’t be doing it. This will allow you to understand your needs. Meet them in some other way than being shy.
2. Float your awareness out of your own body, and see yourself. Disconnect from whatever emotion you are feeling. Observe yourself from a place of non-emotion. Look at yourself like a scientist. Notice anyone who is with you in the room. What is it that you learn? Is it truly “dangerous” to be there? Is your reality-testing giving you an accurate assessment of the situation?
3. Check your breathing, and make sure you are getting enough oxygen to the brain. Smile and focus the attention on the other person. Get out of your head.
4. Place your mind in the future, and imagine what you would see, hear and feel if the conversation were to go well, and you weren’t shy.
Here are a few other tips:
1. Put yourself in a positive state.
2. We all have rough and smooth handles in conversation. Stick to your own smooth handles — things that are easy for you to talk about.
3. Actively engage with someone else’s smooth handle until you feel there is a comfort within the conversation and within yourself.
Resources
Book
The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook: Proven, Step-by-Step Techniques for Overcoming Your Fear – Martin M. Antony, Ph.D
Video
